One's Self

I think there is a vast spectrum of being okay with one's self. It can go all the way from hating yourself to being narcissistic. Neither one of these being something one should choose to emulate. Within that spectrum there are all types. People who can't stand to be alone. People who love to be alone. I believe that when we are forced to be alone with ourselves great things can come from it. A greater knowledge of one's self. If being alone scares the crap out of you... If the idea of being at home for one night with no one to talk to but the inner voice we all have then it is probably time to seriously take a look at yourself. I believe it is important to frequently if not at least occasionally take a look at who we are and where we are going. I relish this time alone. Probably so much so that I am on the bad end of the spectrum. I love driving in the car alone. I love having a night to myself at the bookstore or having a day with only me in the house. I love having no one to answer to for that brief interlude. I do want I want listen to what I want wear what and say what I want. The problem with giving one's self so much time to analyse their life is that often times the more scrutinize something the more problems we are likely to see. I am a prime example of this. I see all sorts of problems. I see areas where I am not satisfied where I want more. Maybe being too busy to think is bliss. The problem comes when we take a good look at our life and choose to remain stagnant. The point of time alone and is to decide. Carpe diem. But yet how do we find the line between doing what one wants and being selfish. The truth is that it is different for every person and changes as we ourselves change.

Something to escape

I truly believe that we all have something we do to escape. It can anything. Some people drink, eat, exercise, read, write, knit, paint, sleep, drive, take baths, watch movies etc. One can do these things to escape a number of things. Sometimes we do them to escape feeling. Sometimes we do them to lose ourselves in another world. Sometimes we create the world in which we want to escape. One can lose themselves in books, movies, sleep, stitches. Something that allows us to forget just for a moment something that plagues us. The loss of someone we love. The loss of something we have yet to even experience. We lose ourselves to not be alone. To hide even from ourselves truths which we cannot acknowledge. We lose ourselves because it is easier than to try for our dreams. If you never try you never fail. And failing is one of the worst pains. We lose ourselves so the life around us does not seep through. Because none of us truly wishes to experience the whole of ourselves. Thoughts that we keep even from ourselves. The things unsaid. The life we avoid. The things we place to try and fill it. Some are better liars having convinced themselves this is untrue. Could not possibly concern them. Yet, if breath is to be found in a body it is true. We all have things to uncover, discover, and recover about ourselves.

It's beginning to look a bit like Christmas

I say a bit because here there will be no snow. For one to say a lot like Christmas my soul yearns for there to be snow. I went on my 3 mile run the other night and saw Christmas trees shining out and greeting me from within peoples' homes. A shipment came in the mail containing some gifts I purchased for friends. Last night up in the wee hours I could be found wrapping presents while Finding Neverland played on the television. Indeed, it is a magical time. I feel the spirit of giving in an almost posessed way. I want to give a plethera of gifts to everyone I know, nay everyone I see. I love filling my arms well sought after treasures and walking to the cash register to buy them. I am a wrapping paper fiend. Having currently in my posession over thrity rolls of wrapping paper. I love it when each present is wrapped in a different paper. Alas, I do not yet have enough rolls to do that with all the people to buy for and all that I buy them. I once met a woman who kept a scrapbook of little remenants of wrapping paper that she used through out the year. A woman after my own heart. Enjoy the magic of the season. Allow it to fill you and as always spread love.

Runner's High

So I have heard tale of a thing called a runner's high. I am wondering how long one must run before they reach this fantastic zenoth. I currently run 3 miles a couple of times a week. My current pace is just barely under an 8 minute mile. I am hoping by the new year to be able to run 5 miles at just above 7 minutes per mile. I must admit that the more I run the more I love it, but I do worry about what it is doing to my joints.

Currently...
Reading:
~Dracula by Bram Stroker
~The Wise Woman by Philippa Gregory
~Six Wives by David Starkey
~Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen
~The House of Seven Gables by Nathaniel Hawthorne
Watching:
~Sweeney Todd
~Helena Bonham Carter Biographies
Knitting:
~Socks
~Small sweater
~Large sweater
~Jacket
~Felted Bowl
Crazed by:
~Looming NaNoWriMo deadline
Excited about:
~Seeing Jorge and DJ this weekend!!!
~Renfest

Title of the blog

The title of this blog is a wonderful quote from the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind starring one of my favorite actresses Kate Winslet. Here is the full quote...

The lines are from Alexander Pope's poem "Eloisa to Abelard"
How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.

This is one of my favorite movies because of the spirit of Kate's character Clementine. I feel a desire to be more like her. So free, so careless. I also love the idea of lovers being so drawn to each other that even if their memory of their time together is erased they will still gravitate to one another. Beautiful.